Sarcastic quotes - Sarcastic quotes for friends.
They say sarcasm shows weakness, but who gives a crap what they think?! While some may think that sarcasm is a slippery slope, others believe that sarcasm is actually a sign of intellect. After all, it was Oscar Wilde who wrote, “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence.”
Tread carefully though—on the other end of the spectrum, many therapists warn that sarcasm could significantly impair relationships. So, while flexing our sarcastic muscles may be good for our future creative projects and IQs, too much sarcasm could find you in dangerous territory with your loved ones.
Willing to take the risk? Here are 50 of the best sarcastic quotes and sayings.
1. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
2. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
3. “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”
4. “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
5. “Find your patience before I lose mine.”
6. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
7. “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.” Robin Williams, Actor
8. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” Steven Wright
9. “If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”
10. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”
11. “I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”
12. “Life’s good, you should get one.”
13. “Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”
14. “I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”
15. “If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”
16. “I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
17. “No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”
18. “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”
19. “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
20. “You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.” Robin Williams, Actor
21. “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
22. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
23. “Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”
24. “If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
25. “People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”
26. “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
27. “Sarcasm–the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
28. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
29. “My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”
30. “Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”
31. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” Ashleigh Brilliant
32. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
33. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” Robin Williams, Actor
34. “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”
35. “I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.”
36. “When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like ‘East.'”
37. “Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.”
38. “The stuff you heard about me is a lie. I’m way worse.”
39. “Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”
40. “Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day.”
41. “I’ve birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop.”
42. “Right before I die I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.”
43. ““If you’re waiting for me to give a crap, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.”
44. “Marriage. Because your crappy day doesn’t have to end at work.”
45. “Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.”
46. “How much better would it be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire?”
47. “What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.”
48. “You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.”
49. “Fun fact: Alcohol increases the size of the ‘send’ button by 89%.”
50. “I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I go normal from time to time.”
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